I miss the mornings

When I was a kid, real young, before kindy-garten, my dad would have to drop off me and my older brother at my grandmothers house real early in the morning, before work. I remember it would still be dark outside, so my dad would make us makeshift beds on the living room floor for us to get a few more hours sleep.

I remember waking up in the living room, it would be like 7 or 8am, (thats early to me nowdays), and I would see the sun shine through from the patio to the walls. It was a beautiful orange light, which illumninated the whole house in natural beauty.

I would then go play outside in the cool morning dew, I loved the mornings, they were so peaceful, it was just me and nature, and we got along just fine...

Then there were Marine Corps bootcamp mornings... didnt miss those much. Woke up once again while it was still dark, forced to piss and shave in 2 minutes, then ran around and played army man all morning.... total suckfest.

Then theres today... I went to starbucks early to get some coffee. I enjoy the peacefulness of the morning, I really enjoy my coffee, I had a good time reading the bible, and I am currently blogging. I want to get back to my mornings, but not under these conditions...

I cant sleep, my heart aches, insecurities are on the march, Im being overran. Im so confused... How much do you give to the other person... they want you to trust them, but they dont trust you, I want to grow and trust another person, but Its not an act that can be done alone.

Im scared for my heart, its been hurt my whole life, I need to learn how to accept love, but its so hard when... especailly when they wont let you in, you almost have to guard your heart with walls...

So yeah, I miss my mornings, not under these conditions tho...