2 a.m. Tampon Run

My best birthday EVER was probably my big 18th. Actually, it was the day before my birthday. The Homecoming dance of my senior year of High School was October 3rd, the day before my birthday (the 4th, duh). We went all out too, me and about 15 friends, we rented a Limo and everything! I had a date to the dance, my exgirlfiend Alaina Schultz, what a Biotch... I guess all is forgiven, hell it was high school... Anywho, she dumped me and took someone else, 3 days before the dance, so I went alone-ish. I had to walk in with a "friends-friend" who I couldnt STAND at that time. Anywho, it ended up being a GREAT time!

When we got back to my friends house, via pimped out Limo, my friends had set up a surprise birthday party for me. I was TOTALLY surprised!!! There was this huge printed out B-day card which everyone signed, and I still have it today!

One of the many highlights of the night was my 2 a.m. trip to the gas station to buy my first ever legal scratch off lotery ticket!!! And what do ya know, I won 20 bucks, surely this was my night!

While at the register of the Hess station, speaking to Karen, my all time fav gas station worker lady, Me and my friend Keith saw this young guy walk in, looking rather sheepish, he kept looking around to see if anyone was watching him. Spotting the wedding ring on his hand I made a joke to my friend Keith that he was on a 2 a.m. Tampon run for his wife, and he was waiting for us to leave so he can get some (he was embarrassed). I also told Keith that I bet he'll walk around for a bit then buy something cheap, but not the Tampons.

After 20 minutes, he left with a two lieter of Pepsi and a Snickers bar...

Me and Keith died laughing, aint no WAY anyone goes to the store at 2 a.m. for Snickers and soda!

Now, I told you that story to tell you this one.

I had to buy my girlfriend Tampons today... I feel that young mans pain and embarrassment...

She wasnt feeling good today, so naturally I wanted to help her, I offered to run to the store and get some for her... As soon as I started the car I was like, "what the hell was I thinking".

So theres a Food Lion 2 minutes away, along with a CVS pharmacy nearby, I decided to drive all the way to the West Columbia Wal-Mart becuase they have Self-Checkout lanes, good call.

I get there, only needing two items, I grab a cart anyways, AINT NO WAY im carrying that shit around with me in the store, F-that!

I get my cart over to the "feminine products" aisle, all the while thinking in my head "oh this is some bullshit". When I finally found what I was looking for, the damn Tampons, I was shocked to see that there is over 50 billion different Types of these damn things!!! Super absorbant, semi-absorbant, for heavy days, for light days, for rainy days, wings, pads and what the Hell are Pearls??? I was in a sea of Femininity, and I was damn sure embarrassed, I feel your pain 2 a.m. gas station guy, I feel your pain.

It took me FOREVER to find the ones she wanted, I know I looked stupid because anytime someone walked down my aisle, I would pretend as if I were reading the back of a pack of Q-tips. Im sure somebody thought "this guy has been reading Q-tip lables all day, what a freak".

I finally GET the damn things, and as I grabbed the pink ass carton, I felt my manhood depart my body. I LITERALLY felt all wierd and embarrassed, even got a bit sickly in the stomach, no lie, totally degrading...

I get to my Self check out lane, and I scanned that thing as Fast as I could, bagged it and left. Shew...

It was scary, embarrassing, degrading... but it was all for you Lou, have a happy Menstrual Cycle!