Soul To Squeeze
Ive got a bad disease, from my brain is where I bleed. Insanity it seems, has got me by my soul to squeeze.
I think Ive come to realize lately that I just suck. Its a harsh and humbling experience. Sometimes I feel so stuck, trapped... but then I look at what Im doing (or could be doing) to improve my situation, and I realize... well, that I suck. I want to get on track, with all forms of life, but Im not... and I dont know why. Some form of laziness mixed in with a bunch of other things.
I thought about just leaving for a while, or for good, and start over again. But thats not good. It reminds me of my family life, the way my parents act. They feel theyve messed up to much so they just gave up, ran away... I guess I have that same mentality, Im just glad I realize that now at age 25, and not 50 with 2 kids.
I think thats the problem with a lot of people, they mess up and dont want to face the consequences, whether its fear from the other persons reactions or from their own inner guilt and shame. Its not good to run away from your problems, not when you can fix what you have.
To be honest tho, I dont really wanna leave, I like it here! Plan B at the shack was awesome, I looked around at my fellow shackers and was just, joyful! I love these guys, love see them smile. I finally feel "home" here, and I feel loved, why leave that?... and by the way my grades are looking, Im going to be here for another 6 years anyways... ugh.
Anywho, whatever is tearing at my soul I hope goes away.
I think Ive come to realize lately that I just suck. Its a harsh and humbling experience. Sometimes I feel so stuck, trapped... but then I look at what Im doing (or could be doing) to improve my situation, and I realize... well, that I suck. I want to get on track, with all forms of life, but Im not... and I dont know why. Some form of laziness mixed in with a bunch of other things.
I thought about just leaving for a while, or for good, and start over again. But thats not good. It reminds me of my family life, the way my parents act. They feel theyve messed up to much so they just gave up, ran away... I guess I have that same mentality, Im just glad I realize that now at age 25, and not 50 with 2 kids.
I think thats the problem with a lot of people, they mess up and dont want to face the consequences, whether its fear from the other persons reactions or from their own inner guilt and shame. Its not good to run away from your problems, not when you can fix what you have.
To be honest tho, I dont really wanna leave, I like it here! Plan B at the shack was awesome, I looked around at my fellow shackers and was just, joyful! I love these guys, love see them smile. I finally feel "home" here, and I feel loved, why leave that?... and by the way my grades are looking, Im going to be here for another 6 years anyways... ugh.
Anywho, whatever is tearing at my soul I hope goes away.
posted by Tupacs Love Child at 2:22 PM
2 Comments:
I swear, if you leave I'll hunt you down and find you :)
nice pepper quote
Sufferwords
Post a Comment
<< Home