Reality Sets In

I cried like a baby today...

I havnt cried like this since I had to give Haley May away... I was in the car, driving Haley to Beaufort to stay with my friends. I remember being so sad and sobbing like a mad man. I felt so bad for her, I kept apologizing to her (yes, a dog) to let her know that it wasnt her fault, shes such a good dog. Todays tears, though similar, were for a different reason.

Love hurts. I left Garretts office after our meeting... and I dont know why, but I slowly started crying... When I got down to my car, I lost it. I put my sweatshirt over my face and just balled my eyes out. I didnt know where to go, what to do. So I just drove around crying. I had heard the truth, I heard what I should do about my feelings, and it hurt so, so bad.

I love my exgirlfriend, this is true. But its just not working, we went to far to fast, our communication sucks. Yet, the only place I want to be now is right there in her arms... but I cant. Its what I want, not what I need.

We've hurt eachother. I just realized that its not that she dosnt want to help, its just that she cant. And I cant help her either. This is highly disappointing. These harsh realities I believe are just setting in.

Questions flood my mind, what do I do? The answer is, heal myself, to do this, I must leave, fully extract myself from the pain... but it hurts... I miss her. How do you just stop loving someone at the drop of a hat... life is tough.

I am proud of myself however, I was unsure how I would fill this void. I considered an outing with my pothead friends, however, I can honestly say I dont desire that. God has given me only what I can handle, I CAN handle this, I do have more strength than I had thought.

I dont know whats in store for me emotionally these next few days, but I pray that I can be strong, and just let God take care of the rest. I give it all to you oh Lord, its all yours.