Afraid of the Dark
I just realized that I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts.
Its 4:43am. Ive been doing a crazy internet job search for the past few hours, Im tired. Im not tired enough to sleep tho. Ive already looked at all of the sports scores, checked my email 50 times, and have read about a 17 year old trying to break the record for crawling a mile the fastest.
I thought about shutting my computer down, but I couldnt. I felt like a child stalling bedtime or something, not quite wanting to go to bed yet, and I know why, I dont like my thoughts.
Some hurt, some are stressful, some are good, most are bad. Im going though a crazy time right now, so much is in the air. I dont know where I will be living in the next few months. I dont know what the hell is up with my heart, why does it still hurt. I dont know why im haunted by dreams of abandonment by loved ones, my biggest fear/pain. Im a mess. I just wish SOMETHING would fall into place, like my job situation, PLEASE God land me a good job, good enough to eat and pay the bills. After that I could prolly sort through things a bit better.
Well, Ive stalled long enough, time to put the scared little Tony to bed.
Its 4:43am. Ive been doing a crazy internet job search for the past few hours, Im tired. Im not tired enough to sleep tho. Ive already looked at all of the sports scores, checked my email 50 times, and have read about a 17 year old trying to break the record for crawling a mile the fastest.
I thought about shutting my computer down, but I couldnt. I felt like a child stalling bedtime or something, not quite wanting to go to bed yet, and I know why, I dont like my thoughts.
Some hurt, some are stressful, some are good, most are bad. Im going though a crazy time right now, so much is in the air. I dont know where I will be living in the next few months. I dont know what the hell is up with my heart, why does it still hurt. I dont know why im haunted by dreams of abandonment by loved ones, my biggest fear/pain. Im a mess. I just wish SOMETHING would fall into place, like my job situation, PLEASE God land me a good job, good enough to eat and pay the bills. After that I could prolly sort through things a bit better.
Well, Ive stalled long enough, time to put the scared little Tony to bed.
posted by Tupacs Love Child at 4:42 AM
1 Comments:
tony, it will happen if you have faith it will happen. trusting in God is not trusting if you doubt in the back of your mind. whatever happens, He will provide for you. and you know, you have tons of people who are more than willing to help along the way. don't lose heart, my friend! amazing things are yet to come.
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