Fools Gold
... Every few months or so, I cant help but ask myself the same F'n question... What the Fu*k is wrong with me?... Seriously.
Now I made a promise to myself that I wouldnt complain on my blog anymore, but it's been a rough week for me, so I'm treating myself to one round of bitching!
As always, theres about 84 things going on to add stress to my life. I need 15 more problems to catch up with Jay-Z. Anywho, Im pissed off at life. It dosnt make sense. Why is it the children that suffer?
I hate how parents can abuse their children physically, metally, or even sexually, and then carry on as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, 20 years later, the children carry around so much baggage, so much pain, so many insecurities that can potentially damgage future relationships. It dosnt make sense. I dont feel sorry for myself about the baggage, Ive always considered myself blessed to have gone through what I did, however I am upset about 2 things. 1. Seeing my friends suffer, and 2. seeing how easily people can walk around in lies.
Why do the children suffer... It dosnt make sense. Some of my really good friends are emotional wrecks because of stuff they have NO control of... It dosnt make sense, its not fair... F-you life!
And Im so mad at the people who live in lies, who can justify their actions, who think that they somehow are right in treating someone so badly. They live their lives as if they did no wrong... How... Im mad at you.
This is whats killing me... And Im called to love these people... Now it's ME, who wants to justify a hateful hurt, it's ME who has every right to be mad, it's ME who wants to leave these people for dead... But it is also me who is called to forgive.... Shit, that is SO hard. Ive been stepped on time and time again. Ive extended myself , only to be taken advantage of...
Forgive.
I dont want to, man its so easy to hate, but it takes a man to love.
So my heart is torn. I know in time, I will be ok. But I need to heal on a good foundation. I dont want that foundation to be hate. I know that living in hate does not allow room for growth, hence a week of feeling dead inside.
Anywho. My pastor Garrett preached tonight about the past. It was really good. It sucks that I have to bear these scars. But I do. Im really scared about the consequences of my past actions. Is that why I am having problems now? I dont know. I hope to bear my scars with love, instead of a burning rage.
And I hope that those who live in lies can wake up. I dont understand how you can be happy living in lies, its fools gold. Acknowledge what you did, and bear your scars as well. Ill work on the forgiveness, either way.
Now I made a promise to myself that I wouldnt complain on my blog anymore, but it's been a rough week for me, so I'm treating myself to one round of bitching!
As always, theres about 84 things going on to add stress to my life. I need 15 more problems to catch up with Jay-Z. Anywho, Im pissed off at life. It dosnt make sense. Why is it the children that suffer?
I hate how parents can abuse their children physically, metally, or even sexually, and then carry on as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, 20 years later, the children carry around so much baggage, so much pain, so many insecurities that can potentially damgage future relationships. It dosnt make sense. I dont feel sorry for myself about the baggage, Ive always considered myself blessed to have gone through what I did, however I am upset about 2 things. 1. Seeing my friends suffer, and 2. seeing how easily people can walk around in lies.
Why do the children suffer... It dosnt make sense. Some of my really good friends are emotional wrecks because of stuff they have NO control of... It dosnt make sense, its not fair... F-you life!
And Im so mad at the people who live in lies, who can justify their actions, who think that they somehow are right in treating someone so badly. They live their lives as if they did no wrong... How... Im mad at you.
This is whats killing me... And Im called to love these people... Now it's ME, who wants to justify a hateful hurt, it's ME who has every right to be mad, it's ME who wants to leave these people for dead... But it is also me who is called to forgive.... Shit, that is SO hard. Ive been stepped on time and time again. Ive extended myself , only to be taken advantage of...
Forgive.
I dont want to, man its so easy to hate, but it takes a man to love.
So my heart is torn. I know in time, I will be ok. But I need to heal on a good foundation. I dont want that foundation to be hate. I know that living in hate does not allow room for growth, hence a week of feeling dead inside.
Anywho. My pastor Garrett preached tonight about the past. It was really good. It sucks that I have to bear these scars. But I do. Im really scared about the consequences of my past actions. Is that why I am having problems now? I dont know. I hope to bear my scars with love, instead of a burning rage.
And I hope that those who live in lies can wake up. I dont understand how you can be happy living in lies, its fools gold. Acknowledge what you did, and bear your scars as well. Ill work on the forgiveness, either way.
posted by Tupacs Love Child at 10:39 PM
3 Comments:
Hey man, what are blogs for if not bitching? So bitch away, I don't mind. Though the date advice posts are always good ones as well.
dear tony,
i made a blog. obviously.
love, courtney
yes. you. crazy. always.
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