Fatherhood
No, I havnt gotten anyone pregnant... I hope... (kidding)
I was having coffee with a friend today, and she said something Ive heard a million times in my life, give or take twenty thousand...
"Your going to be a good Father"
I hope so, but to be honest, Its one of my biggest fears. I didnt have the best role model of a father, no offense Dad if your out there. And the fact that I see some of his negative traits coming out of me is scary as hell-o.
I really think I'll be ok, I am nothing like him in many ways, which is good. I guess its best to work on my negative traits now, while there is no Tony junior out there, that I know of.
So anywho, I met up with with Ryan, Blur, Cinday and Danny Glendinininining at Frankies Fun Park. I arrived late, and they were all in the middle of a round of put put which I went and observed. It was kinda cold out, So I was just watching them play with my hands in my jacket pockets. I look over and see two boys trying to put put, and right behind them, was their father, watching them both play, with his hands in his jacket pockets... I thought of that father comment earlier... I looked over at my four "kids" playing put put... Ok, so it was a stretch, but I did compute it like such, not that I feel like Ryan, Blur, Cindy and Danny are my kids or anything, but I saw myself doing things with my kids, taking them places, taking joy in watching them have fun, and just enjoying life, just as I was just watching my friends play put put.
I know this was random, but fatherhood is such a fear of mine. I used to pray everynight as a child to Not be like my dad. When I was in the Marines, I worked a second job for the sole purpose of saving money for my future family, I didnt wanna be poor and hungry like we were... (although I did save close to four thousand dollars, I used about eighty percent of my second job income on alcohol! Those were the good ole days.. I think...)
Tho it is terrifying, I really believe I will be a good daddy. I wont be perfect, but lord knows ill try.
I was having coffee with a friend today, and she said something Ive heard a million times in my life, give or take twenty thousand...
"Your going to be a good Father"
I hope so, but to be honest, Its one of my biggest fears. I didnt have the best role model of a father, no offense Dad if your out there. And the fact that I see some of his negative traits coming out of me is scary as hell-o.
I really think I'll be ok, I am nothing like him in many ways, which is good. I guess its best to work on my negative traits now, while there is no Tony junior out there, that I know of.
So anywho, I met up with with Ryan, Blur, Cinday and Danny Glendinininining at Frankies Fun Park. I arrived late, and they were all in the middle of a round of put put which I went and observed. It was kinda cold out, So I was just watching them play with my hands in my jacket pockets. I look over and see two boys trying to put put, and right behind them, was their father, watching them both play, with his hands in his jacket pockets... I thought of that father comment earlier... I looked over at my four "kids" playing put put... Ok, so it was a stretch, but I did compute it like such, not that I feel like Ryan, Blur, Cindy and Danny are my kids or anything, but I saw myself doing things with my kids, taking them places, taking joy in watching them have fun, and just enjoying life, just as I was just watching my friends play put put.
I know this was random, but fatherhood is such a fear of mine. I used to pray everynight as a child to Not be like my dad. When I was in the Marines, I worked a second job for the sole purpose of saving money for my future family, I didnt wanna be poor and hungry like we were... (although I did save close to four thousand dollars, I used about eighty percent of my second job income on alcohol! Those were the good ole days.. I think...)
Tho it is terrifying, I really believe I will be a good daddy. I wont be perfect, but lord knows ill try.
posted by Tupacs Love Child at 2:35 AM
1 Comments:
Tony, I believe you are going to be a great father when the time comes. As a "kid from a family of divorce," I have the same fear. You know my father was far from perfect. But, I was always told by my mother that kids that get short changed by their earthy father have the best father of all--- their Heavenly Father. I know it's not the same, but it's true... At least I think so. Some how. I want to be an even better father and will stop at nothing to do so because of how I was hurt by mine.
Can we talk about his over coffee sometime? Seriously.
PS: I made an appointment. I hope they let me cuss.
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