Where Im At

Well lets see, where am I? Life is good, I do love my life. But its tough right now, so tough. I dont think Ive had a day since 2 Wednesdays ago where I didnt cry. I havnt been able to sleep without medication in about 3 weeks, and I havnt eaten more than once a day but maybe 4 times in 3 weeks as well... I got my heart broken... Well, more like drop-kicked into oblivion, thats prolly more like it.

So I gave up on Seattle for the time being. Its funny how life throws curves. I was 5 days away from heading out west, next thing I know, Im pouring my heart out to a girl and I get rejected, devastated... suck.

I hurt pretty bad, I wont lie, pretty damn bad. But Ive got amazing friends, and they help see me through. Ive been so caught up in heartache that I forgot about the rest of my life, that whole Job thing. Ive decided its best that I stick around for a bit, kind of heal up with my friends, and stay out of trouble. At the same time, Im ready to get out of Columbia, kind of move on with my life, and perhaps most important at this point, escape the memories I walk around in every day. I try to keep myself busy, just doing crap, to keep my mind off things. I went to the mall, and forgot there were memories there too, damn you Thomas Kinkaid, painter of light my ass.

Anywho, So Im thinking about moving to New Orleans, Charleston, and last case scenario, staying right here in Columbia for another year. I need to be by close friends at this point. I literally cry when Im alone all day. I hate being alone right now. Im afraid of it actually, because Im consumed by thoughts and memories.

Anywho, on a positive note.... Im back... Oh Im fucking back all right, Tony is back. I found my strength again... The Tony who laughs at the shit life throws him and stands again to fight, is back.

I was out at a local restaurant/bar with all my friends just 1 day after heartbreak, and I was just so happy to be with my friends. I saw how blessed I was. And through my absolute pain, I held up my wine glass and said "Im Anthony Alessandro, and I Fuckin LOVE my Life!".... And I do. I know Ill be ok. I know life wont always be like this. I know Ill move on, I know in time, all will be ok. I have my hope back. It was missing for so long, but I found it, I must have left it in the depths of my soul, cuz thats where I found it. I love who I am. I love and trust myself. Its been a while since Ive felt that way. Life is good, tho its Tough as HELL now, I know ill be ok. Im a fucking fighter. I fought through so much in life... random beatings and starvation, sleeping behind dumpsters on cold rainy days, being so hungry that I ate notebook paper, food out of trash cans and off of peoples plates when I was a dishwasher. I should have failed high school, but I took night classes and passed, graduated. Then I was a Marine, a freakin United States Marine who served Honorably for 4 years. I then single handedly put myself through college on my on dime, without anyone pushing or guiding me along. I went through hellish semesters of heartache and trauma from my roommates suicide, and I STILL made it. I didnt make excuses and just stop, or drop out, I fought harder and I graduated. Ive been through SO MUCH in this life, and a broken heart wants to slow me down?!?!? Fuck That!!! Oh no no, Tonys back. Im going to be ok, and it feels so good to have my strength back.

Though life is So tough now... through tears, pain, endless nightmares, no sleep or food... Im ok with life, It Is Well With My Soul. Im Tony, and Im going to be ok no matter what, because Im Tony Alessandro.