The Gay Discount

And just when I thought my life couldn’t possibly reach any new lows, I amaze myself.

So, I work with this guy at Applebee’s, he's gay, that’s cool, we're friends. We get on the topic of hair care (because I’ve been trying to grow my hair out and I dont know what to do with it, and when I go to work and cant wear a hat to hide my hair, it looks like a poofy drunken Italian toupee).

Anywho, he gives me the name of his hairstylist, who is also gay, and tells me that this guy is really good. He also tells me, that he gives a Gay Discount...

Now, I know what your thinking... so stop. This looks like a bad story, but bear with me, it's not as bad as this possibly could be.

Anywho, a normal priced haircut at this place goes for $20, with the Gay Discount my friend says, it's only $15. Now, I’m kinda on the broke side, and my awful hair is getting out of control, so I figure, hey.... lets go for the discount!

I call him. I put on a friendly/girly (not Too girly) voice, tell him I was referred to him by a friend, and just chit chatted away. I made an appointment for 7:30pm. The first stage was complete.

As I’m typing this, I realize I’m SO awful... I cant believe I acted Gay for a discount... Anywho, I get there and make girly chat, like you do. He kept asking me why I was so nervous (probably because I’m a straight man faking gay for a 5 dollar discount). He asked me if I was married, and I said "No"... And it was here when I lost it. He then said "Well then, there are a couple of other questions which can follow this, but we can wait till our second appointment before asking that".

And I knew it, it was the question to see if I was gay... I sat in silence for a sec, deciding what to do... I had 3 Options: A) Come clean and tell him about my girlfriend. B) Lie and say I’m gay. C) Just keep quiet and hope the bad man goes away.

I chose C. I changed the subject to Kevin Bacon and the Art Bar. I felt as if my cover was blown. And MAN did I feel horrible. What was I doing? Am I leading him on? Is this a Lie? Is this a SIN?.... Oh man, so yeah, I started getting nervous, but never letting down my girly side.

The haircut finished. We walked towards the register. The moment of truth was at hand. Was I gay enough to get the discount???....

"Okay, that'll be $15 please" (Yessssssssss!)

I had never felt so uncomfortable leaving a haircut before in my life. I actually felt, well, creepy. I pretended to be gay for a freakin 5 dollar discount... how lame is that... it was a nice haircut tho, I really like it... its a shame I can never go back.